I've finally come to realize why I've had such a hard time being online lately. It's not just this blog - I haven't been doing much on any social media, and what writing I have been doing has been in a notebook that I keep with me at all times. I'll start to write a response to someone's post, or reply to a tweet, or even begin drafting a blog post, and I'll delete it.
I worry, a lot, about how other people see me. I'm usually better at reminding myself that most people just don't see me, that I don't take up much mental real estate. It means that so long as I'm not actively hurting people, my voice is probably not going to be heard, and that's great! Less pressure all around!
Lately, though, the pressure has been on. It's not enough to "not actively hurt someone" - I feel like if I'm not actively helping, making things better, fixing things, then there's no point in saying anything at all. I'm not sure what flipped that switch, but it's been unpleasant.
Now? Now I'm just trying to pull back to the beginning. The whole reason I want to write is because I like telling stories. I've been trying to make my stories do too much, and it's locked me up. I want to go back to just building a world and some characters, and just watching what happens.
