Stories to tell in whispers

I've finally come to realize why I've had such a hard time being online lately. It's not just this blog - I haven't been doing much on any social media, and what writing I have been doing has been in a notebook that I keep with me at all times. I'll start to write a response to someone's post, or reply to a tweet, or even begin drafting a blog post, and I'll delete it.

I worry, a lot, about how other people see me. I'm usually better at reminding myself that most people just don't see me, that I don't take up much mental real estate. It means that so long as I'm not actively hurting people, my voice is probably not going to be heard, and that's great! Less pressure all around!

Lately, though, the pressure has been on. It's not enough to "not actively hurt someone" - I feel like if I'm not actively helping, making things better, fixing things, then there's no point in saying anything at all. I'm not sure what flipped that switch, but it's been unpleasant.

Now? Now I'm just trying to pull back to the beginning. The whole reason I want to write is because I like telling stories. I've been trying to make my stories do too much, and it's locked me up. I want to go back to just building a world and some characters, and just watching what happens.

December Round-up, End of Year Check-in, and 2017 Goals

Starting with the round-up!


Words written YTD: 59,195 on two and a half projects (Paranormal Investigations novels, a prequel short story that didn't really go where I wanted it to, and Novel Wars (my Nano)) - that's right, I managed a full month without writing. It was awful.

Writer-ly things accomplished: Not a blessed thing, unless you count realizing that not writing is not OK.

New books read: Pounce (aka a book of kitty pictures that needs to be available at all times); January/February 2016 Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction; When Books Went to War (I know I've already reviewed it, but short summary, I loved it); Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife (not my favorite Mary Roach, but interesting for all that); The Prophecy Con (Book two of Rogues of the Republic aka Fantasy A-Team); Lumberjanes #22-23; Pirate King (Russell and Holmes take on the Pirates of Penzance, which left me humming the Major General's song); and Beekeeping for Beginners (Russell and Holmes, the early days).

Old books re-read: The Jennifer Morgue & The Fuller Memorandum (Laundry Files 2-3); Grave Peril (Dresden Files 3); The Arctic Incident (Artemis Fowl 2); Searching for Dragons (Enchanted Forest Chronicles 2, which still holds up beautifully).

Well, if nothing else, I certainly read more this month. Now, on to the 2016 goals that I'm pretty sure I missed:

• Complete draft of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  March 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  I should really restate this as "fill in the gap between books 1 and 2 of Paranormal Investigations", and it's still in process.
• New due date: July 31, 2016
• Q2 status: This is the goal for this Camp Nano, so we'll see if we can actually finish filling the gap this month.
• Q3 status: Ish? I've reached a good stopping point and realized that enough changed in book 1 that book 2 basically needs to start over again. I'll call this one complete (as restated in Q1), with redrafting book 2 as the plan for Nanowrimo
• New goal: Complete draft 0 of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations
• New due date: December 31, 2016
• Q4 status: AHAHAHA no.
• Complete draft of Church of Books
• Due:  September 30, 2016
• Q1 status: I haven't even touched this one in a while. I'll keep the date as is for now.
• Q2 status: Same as Q1
• Q3 status: Yeah, that didn't go according to plan. I've spent the year focusing on PII, so this one is off to the side. This will get moved to next year.
• Q4 status: See Q3 update.
• Complete edit of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  In process
• Q2 status:  In process
• Q3 status:  In process (so many notes on my draft 0 of book 1, many of which involve asking Past Stephanie just what the devil she was thinking)
• Q4 status: made it through draft 0 of book 1, but haven't had the wherewithal to go back and start fixing things.
• Complete draft of one of the works started for a Nano
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  In process, as Paranormal Investigations started as a Nano
• Q2 status:  In process, looking better with each day of sitting and actually getting some words on the dang page
• Q3 status:  I'm going to call this complete, with PII book 1 as a complete draft 0. Go team me!
• Q4 status: Done!
• Complete at least one Nano
• Due:  November 30, 2016
• Q1 status:  COMPLETE!
• Q2 status:  Trying for number 2!
• Q3 status:  Didn't make number 2; revving up for number 3
• Q4 status:  Well, I made it for one.
• Submit at least one story for publication
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  I have ideas, ever so many ideas...keeping the date as is for now.
• Q2 status:  I may come back to the short story I was fiddling with post-Camp Nano, or I may try for something completely different. Who knows? Not me!
• Q3 status:  Uh, we'll see. I haven't even thought short fiction in a couple of months.
• Q4 status:  And again, AHAHAHA no.

Clearly, setting these kinds of big goals just isn't working for me. I need to break things down into manageable chunks, else everything's going to be "AHAHAHA no" next year.

• PII book 1 editing
• Go through notes on at least one scene every two weeks, incorporating changes and noting bigger changes for later
• Novel Wars drafting
• One character study per month, including interviews, background, list of favorite books/least favorite books, and for the novelists, best writing atmosphere
• Other drafting
• Read through existing works in progress, choose one to work on for each Camp Nanowrimo (April and July)

Looking at it like that, I think it's doable. For now, at least. We'll see what the first quarter of 2017 brings. (Incidentally, anyone else super gun-shy about the new year? I'm almost afraid to say "Happy New Year" in case 2017 hears me and takes it as a challenge.)

Third Quarter Check-In

We are now in the dawning of the Age of Aquarius the fourth quarter of the year, so let's look back on Q3 and see what got accomplished (or didn't).

• Complete draft of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  March 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  I should really restate this as "fill in the gap between books 1 and 2 of Paranormal Investigations", and it's still in process.
• New due date: July 31, 2016
• Q2 status: This is the goal for this Camp Nano, so we'll see if we can actually finish filling the gap this month.
• Q3 status: Ish? I've reached a good stopping point and realized that enough changed in book 1 that book 2 basically needs to start over again. I'll call this one complete (as restated in Q1), with redrafting book 2 as the plan for Nanowrimo
• New goal: Complete draft 0 of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations
• New due date: December 31, 2016
• Complete draft of Church of Books
• Due:  September 30, 2016
• Q1 status: I haven't even touched this one in a while. I'll keep the date as is for now.
• Q2 status: Same as Q1
• Q3 status: Yeah, that didn't go according to plan. I've spent the year focusing on PII, so this one is off to the side. This will get moved to next year.
• Complete edit of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  In process
• Q2 status:  In process
• Q3 status:  In process (so many notes on my draft 0 of book 1, many of which involve asking Past Stephanie just what the devil she was thinking)
• Complete draft of one of the works started for a Nano
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  In process, as Paranormal Investigations started as a Nano
• Q2 status:  In process, looking better with each day of sitting and actually getting some words on the dang page
• Q3 status:  I'm going to call this complete, with PII book 1 as a complete draft 0. Go team me!
• Complete at least one Nano
• Due:  November 30, 2016
• Q1 status:  COMPLETE!
• Q2 status:  Trying for number 2!
• Q3 status:  Didn't make number 2; revving up for number 3
• Submit at least one story for publication
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  I have ideas, ever so many ideas...keeping the date as is for now.
• Q2 status:  I may come back to the short story I was fiddling with post-Camp Nano, or I may try for something completely different. Who knows? Not me!
• Q3 status:  Uh, we'll see. I haven't even thought short fiction in a couple of months.

Day 4 of Camp Nanowrimo, June Round-Up and Second Quarter Check-In

Why yes, I am cramming everything into one post! This is what happens when I go to a convention (Westercon, in this case), and forget to get posts up for while I'm gone.

July Camp Nano:
Current word count: 1,152
Goal word count: 30,000
What's happening: Turns out that Jonathan (love interest) and Jack (partner in the work sense of Veronica) are bros. Also, the paranormal community around the coffee shop is Not Happy about the mystical, magical new coffee blend. Alison wants nothing to do with this - she just wants to go on her date already, dangit.

June Round-Up:

Words written YTD: 30,429 on one and a half projects (Paranormal Investigations novels and a prequel short story that didn't really go where I wanted it to)

Things accomplished in fiction: see above

Writer-ly things accomplished: Decided that the short story wasn't going to do what I needed it to do, and that I wasn't in a good place to keep going with it at the moment. Picked up the proverbial pen for the second Camp Nano of the year, and I'm planning to keep my word count goal where it is - it'll be good practice for November.

New books read: Waking Up in Vegas (Incryptid short story by Seanan McGuire, which remains so much fun); Night Owls (urban fantasy I picked up on a whim - other than an unnecessary amount of head hopping, pretty solid); Hamilton, the Revolution (why yes, I have fallen into the hole that is Hamilton fandom, why do you ask?); Lumberjanes Volume 1 (so cute, and with enough "what the hell?" going on to keep things interesting); No Love Lost (Weather Warden short story that I hadn't known existed previously - kinda meh, to be honest); The Fifth Season (nominated for a Hugo, and so far, my front-runner); Stage of Fools (October Daye short story, courtesy of Seanan McGuire's Patreon)

Old books re-read: The Long Earth, The Long War, and The Long Mars (sci-fi collaborations by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter, read to be caught up for the two new ones I hadn't read yet); Ill Wind (Weather Wardens book one, because sometimes you just need somewhat trashy romance with djinn and weather magic); Kitty and the Midnight Hour (see previous, only replace djinn with werewolves); Ms. Marvel Volume 1 (picked up the other two volumes in trade paperbacks and decided to re-read volume 1, as I hadn't looked at it since last year's Hugo nominations).

Q2 Check-In:

• Complete draft of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  March 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  I should really restate this as "fill in the gap between books 1 and 2 of Paranormal Investigations", and it's still in process.
• New due date: July 31, 2016
• Q2 status: This is the goal for this Camp Nano, so we'll see if we can actually finish filling the gap this month.
• Complete draft of Church of Books
• Due:  September 30, 2016
• Q1 status: I haven't even touched this one in a while. I'll keep the date as is for now.
• Q2 status: Same as Q1
• Complete edit of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  In process
• Q2 status:  In process
• Complete draft of one of the works started for a Nano
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  In process, as Paranormal Investigations started as a Nano
• Q2 status:  In process, looking better with each day of sitting and actually getting some words on the dang page
• Complete at least one Nano
• Due:  November 30, 2016
• Q1 status:  COMPLETE!
• Q2 status:  Trying for number 2!
• Submit at least one story for publication
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  I have ideas, ever so many ideas...keeping the date as is for now.
• Q2 status:  I may come back to the short story I was fiddling with post-Camp Nano, or I may try for something completely different. Who knows? Not me!

April Round-Up and First Quarter Check-In

I've survived the first Camp Nanowrimo of the year, and I emerged victorious. Let's see how April went, shall we?


Words written YTD: 24,104 on one project (Paranormal Investigations)

Things accomplished in fiction: Oh, so very much. Alison finally made it to the big boss' office, and is seriously freaked out. It still goes better than anticipated. Next up: her second date with Jonathan, this time to a bookstore. What? They're geeks!

Writer-ly things accomplished: I won Camp Nano, I won Camp Nano...*happy dance* Things are still going well, and I've got some decent momentum going.

New books read: The Voyage of the Basilisk (Lady Trent Memoirs #3, which remains fantastic); Velveteen vs. The Junior Super Patriots (Seanan McGuire's take on superheroes, which is AWESOME); Rat Queens #15 (for I love a good comic about a group of butt-kicking women).

Old books re-read: The Eyre Affair, Lost in a Good Book, and the Well of Lost Plots (Thursday Next books 1-3, because I needed some comfort reading).

It actually saddens me a little, how few books I read this month. Of course, I was focused on writing more than reading this month, but still. I'd like to balance that a bit better.

And now, a quick look at the 2016 goals thus far:

• Complete draft of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  March 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  I should really restate this as "fill in the gap between books 1 and 2 of Paranormal Investigations", and it's still in process.
• New due date: July 31, 2016
• Complete draft of Church of Books
• Due:  September 30, 2016
• Q1 status: I haven't even touched this one in a while. I'll keep the date as is for now.
• Complete edit of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  In process
• Complete draft of one of the works started for a Nano
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  In process, as Paranormal Investigations started as a Nano
• Complete at least one Nano
• Due:  November 30, 2016
• Q1 status:  COMPLETE!
• Submit at least one story for publication
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Q1 status:  I have ideas, ever so many ideas...keeping the date as is for now.

End of year update and 2016 goals

That whole 'writing every day' thing didn't really work out the last month or so, and I'm not going to come up with excuses. I need to make time and focus on my writing, because I feel better when I write. That's basically what it comes down to, in the end - I need to make time to do the things that make me feel better, both physically and mentally. And yes, I realize that this is a mind-blowing revelation - it's only taken me nearly 35 years to figure it out, but I'm a slow learner.

So, updates:

• Complete draft of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations, Inc.
• Due: April 30
• Q1 Status:  This one got put on the back burner, as this series is the one that feels too much like Maureen Johnson's Shades of London series.
• New due date:  Uncertain
• Q2 Status:  I started working on this again, but it's been slow going.
• New due date:  Going to call this March 31, 2016
• EOY Status:  Haven't worked on this for quite some time, but I'm going to keep with the new due date for now.
• Complete draft of Church of Book
• Due: August 31
• Q1 Status:  I think I'll meet this goal, even though it isn't the same Church of Book it was when I first drafted these goals.  I've basically started from scratch, and it's my current Camp Nanowrimo project.
• Q2 Status:  ...Not so much.  I'm still working on it, though!
• New due date:  June 30, 2016
• EOY Status:  Again, haven't worked on this for a bit, but it's been stewing.
• New due date:  September 30, 2016
• Win at least one of either Camp Nanowrimo or Nanowrimo
• Due: November 31
• Q1 Status:  In progress for the April Camp Nanowrimo
• Q2 Status:  Failed both April and June Camp Nanowrimos, but I'm still going to try for November!
• EOY Status:  And failed November, too. Trying again in 2016.
• Complete edit of Paranormal Investigations, Inc.
• Due: December 31
• Q1 Status:  As this is on the back burner, it's being pushed back for now.
• New due date:  Uncertain
• Q2 Status:  See above regarding book 2.
• New due date:  December 31, 2016
• EOY Status:  Keeping the same due date for now.
• Submit at least one short story for publication
• Due: December 31
• Q1 Status:  Haven't even started anything regarding this yet.
• Q2 Status:  I'm going to call this one complete (for "at least one"), based on the Pratchett memorial anthology submission.  That doesn't mean I'm not going to try to submit something else; just that I can at least mark one thing off the list
• Complete draft of Words That Mean Something
• Due:  December 31
• Q2 Status:  New goal!  This is the one I started working on for Camp Nano in June.  I managed to get a rough outline together last week, so I'm hoping to get more words on the page over the next couple of months.
• EOY Status:  I kind of dropped this in favor of my November Nano, so I'm changing the goal.
• New goal:  Complete draft of one of the works started for a Nano.
• Due:  December 31, 2016

2016 Goals:

• Complete draft of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  March 31, 2016
• Complete draft of Church of Books
• Due:  September 30, 2016
• Complete edit of Paranormal Investigations
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Complete draft of one of the works started for a Nano
• Due:  December 31, 2016
• Complete at least one Nano
• Due:  November 30, 2016
• Submit at least one story for publication
• Due:  December 31, 2016

Second(ish) Quarter Check-In

We're just going to ignore the fact that we're halfway through the third quarter, and play catch-up.

• Complete draft of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations, Inc.
• Due: April 30
• Q1 Status:  This one got put on the back burner, as this series is the one that feels too much like Maureen Johnson's Shades of London series.
• New due date:  Uncertain
• Q2 Status:  I started working on this again, but it's been slow going.
• New due date:  Going to call this March 31, 2016
• Complete draft of Church of Book
• Due: August 31
• Q1 Status:  I think I'll meet this goal, even though it isn't the same Church of Book it was when I first drafted these goals.  I've basically started from scratch, and it's my current Camp Nanowrimo project.
• Q2 Status:  ...Not so much.  I'm still working on it, though!
• New due date:  June 30, 2016
• Win at least one of either Camp Nanowrimo or Nanowrimo
• Due: November 31
• Q1 Status:  In progress for the April Camp Nanowrimo
• Q2 Status:  Failed both April and June Camp Nanowrimos, but I'm still going to try for November!
• Complete edit of Paranormal Investigations, Inc.
• Due: December 31
• Q1 Status:  As this is on the back burner, it's being pushed back for now.
• New due date:  Uncertain
• Q2 Status:  See above regarding book 2.
• New due date:  December 31, 2016
• Submit at least one short story for publication
• Due: December 31
• Q1 Status:  Haven't even started anything regarding this yet.
• Q2 Status:  I'm going to call this one complete (for "at least one"), based on the Pratchett memorial anthology submission.  That doesn't mean I'm not going to try to submit something else; just that I can at least mark one thing off the list
• Complete draft of Words That Mean Something
• Due:  December 31
• Q2 Status:  New goal!  This is the one I started working on for Camp Nano in June.  I managed to get a rough outline together last week, so I'm hoping to get more words on the page over the next couple of months.

Well, it's not as exciting as I would have hoped, but at least there's progress.

Still here, mostly

I'm still here, still trying to write.  The likelihood that I'll win this month's Camp Nanowrimo is dropping with every hour, and I've just overall overbooked myself.  I have no idea if I'll be able to fix it anytime soon, either - while my depression seems to be doing better, my anxiety is through the roof and becoming just as debilitating.

But that's not why you're here, reading.  The next project I'm planning is to submit a proposal to this anthology, which is in honor of Sir Terry Pratchett with proceeds going to Alzheimer's research.  It's going to be a little hard for me, because I'm not particularly good at humor, but I really want to try.  I'll be playing with a few ideas, and seeing what I can put together.

Meanwhile, back to trying to wring some words out of the ether.  Good luck, all!

First Quarter Check-In

Well, I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things.  I've been writing fairly regularly, and I think I stand a chance of making it for Camp Nanowrimo this month.  (Note to self:  the next time you think about doing two swaps on Ravelry that are due the same month, which also happens to be a Nanowrimo month?  Don't do that.)  It seems like a good point to check in against the goals I set for myself at the end of last year.  Things have obviously shifted in priority, so it's also a good time to redefine those goals.

• Complete draft of book 2 of Paranormal Investigations, Inc.
• Due: April 30
• Q1 Status:  This one got put on the back burner, as this series is the one that feels too much like Maureen Johnson's Shades of London series.
• New due date:  Uncertain
• Complete draft of Church of Book
• Due: August 31
• Q1 Status:  I think I'll meet this goal, even though it isn't the same Church of Book it was when I first drafted these goals.  I've basically started from scratch, and it's my current Camp Nanowrimo project.
• Win at least one of either Camp Nanowrimo or Nanowrimo
• Due: November 31
• Q1 Status:  In progress for the April Camp Nanowrimo
• Complete edit of Paranormal Investigations, Inc.
• Due: December 31
• Q1 Status:  As this is on the back burner, it's being pushed back for now.
• New due date:  Uncertain
• Submit at least one short story for publication
• Due: December 31
• Q1 Status:  Haven't even started anything regarding this yet.

Speaking of short stories...At Norwescon the weekend before last, I went to a panel on story structure.  As the structure of Church of Book has changed, I wanted to get a better sense of what tools I could use, and in general the panel was very informative.  However, I did ask the panel about my specific structure (essentially, flashing back to historical moments that explain the magic system, and then flashing forward to the main contemporary story) to see if it at least made sense.  Most of the panel said yes and gave me a few suggestions, but Steven Barnes, one of the panelists, stopped everyone and asked me if I'd been published.  When I said no, he started looking doubtful.  He said that the structure I proposed was "fifth grade material", and he wasn't sure if I was out of kindergarten yet.

I spoke to him after the panel, asking if he thought I should even bother continuing with the book if he thought it was so far beyond me.  I was upset, I admit - Mr. Barnes is a well-known and well-respected author, and one whose advice I value.  I've never been one to appreciate if someone tells me that something I want to do is beyond my reach, which didn't help matters.  Mr. Barnes told me to go ahead and continue, but not to focus all my effort on it, and to write short stories and submit them in the meantime.  It didn't matter to him that I'd submitted stories before, because it wasn't something I was doing right that second.  "Being a writer is about what you do every day," he told me.

Well, I agree with that last sentence, but I don't know that I agree with what I need to do.  I need to write, and regularly, obviously, but I don't think waiting to submit works until they're right means I'm less of a writer.  A writer writes, after all.  And this one is going to write.